the lament of the pretty baby.
am listening to that song at the moment. god, how i love cursive.
(And now she whispers into the mirror:) I’m broken.
Oh doctor, doctor, can you fix me, can you fix me?
Oh Pretty Baby, you’re so naive — but it comes off so cute
We don’t want to fix you
We love you just the way you are
The butterfly pinned to the page
The nightingale locked in the cage — won’t you sing for me?
Sing for me, uh-huh
Yeah, we love you just the way you are
Crushed ‘neath fashion magazines
Trampled by circus pony dreams — won’t you kiss me?
Won’t you kiss me, uh-huh
genius. and it’s even better when you listen to it.
but i’ve been feeling strange over the past couple of days. just… i don’t know. it has been strange. and people have been able to tell, for instance at the playground on thursday night. and, thankyou iain, for being concerned. it meant a lot, but i just didn’t feel like talking about it. to tell you the truth, my head just feels so cluttered. and even i’m not sure about the reasoning behind it. i just… i feel like i’m floating. and there’s no one there to hold me down to the earth. and i’m flying away.
it worries me.
it also worries me that the feeling comes and goes. like, i can be so happy one minute, and then bam. i’m hit with it. and nothing anyone can say or do can make it go away. sometimes all it takes is a song with some particular lyrics. or a conversation last night with mum about her and dad, back when they were married. that was a strange conversation.
but apart from that minor thing, life is good. i start a new part of my job on monday - that should be good. relays are boring. and hard work. rearranging 9 bays of toilet paper on friday showed me that. but the new part is with masterfoods - much less heavy lifting.
catching up with the st pauls boys has been good over the past couple of days. i haven’t seen some of them for too, too long. reece.. you crack me up! that walk home would have seemed so much longer if we didn’t have you singing whip it good the whole time. and i’m not mad, even if you *did* delete your myspace. we put a lot of effort into that! and iain, it had been a while as well. i mean, besides the drive in, i’ve hardly seen you! ooh, and you have to show me the evidence of nicholson!
but at the moment i’m just sorta looking forward to getting into the thick of summer, christmas, and turning 18. but also to chilling with mates, relaxing, and planning what i want to do next year. i’m making a consciensous effort to organise myself - firstly by organising my room. getting rid of junk. i’m hoping that by organising myself i might start to feel a little better, about everything.
but yes. just thought i’d keep you all posted. for some unknown reason. and writing down how i feel helps me get rid of all the negativity. it is no longer mine - it now belongs to the internet. relief.
